Middle School Student Persistence
How to Help Your Adolescent Thrive in School
Parenting adolescents takes perseverance. The Dip facing middle school students and their parents is difficult to surpass. Here are 3 ideas to help you through the dip.
"Persistence pays off!"
Isn't that what Mom always said?
In his latest book, Seth Godin guides readers through the process of learning when to quit versus when to stick. The book's title "The Dip" is the label Godin gives to the long road between initial excitement and mastery. Most of the activities we participate have a dip.
Tennis has a dip. After learning the basic strokes and participating in a few clinics and matches, most players hang up their rackets and look for another sport. The required practice, expense, and ongoing competition (the dip) required to become a great tennis player is too much for the majority to endure. They quit.
Most career pursuits have a dip as well. Becoming the best in a given field requires additional time and effort that again, most people are not willing to commit to. The result, very few people make it through the dip and reap the rewards of becoming the “best.” The majority of us settle for being average.
Parenting has a dip. After the initial joy of seeing your newborn the reality sets in that you are in for a long haul that will include many wonderful moments but will also have its fair share of difficult times. If you are the parent of an adolescent there is a good chance you face frustration on a daily basis.
Don't despair. Persevere and remember you are working your way through the dip. On the other side of the dip is a wonderful young adult who will appreciate the monumental effort you put into their life during the adolescent and teenage years.
Middle School Also has a Dip
For some adolescents the middle school dip looks more like a valley. Three factors contribute to the middle school dip.
- Unclear expectations from parents, teachers and coaches
- Unrealistic goals
- Lack of opportunities for meaningful participation
Many adolescents make the decision to quit in response to the three factors listed above. Quitting occurs more often than you might think. Middle schoolers quit on a daily basis, yet their words and actions are often confused for typical adolescent behavior.
The adolescent who wakes up morning after morning proclaiming, "I hate school. I don't want to go anymore," is one such example.
The most prevalent form of quitting is the middle schooler who says "No matter what I do, it won't make a difference" — a common response to the parent, teacher or coach who continually says, "You just need to work harder."
Adolescents don’t see the reward at the end of the dip and thus the idea of persevering merely for the sake of perseverance lacks the gusto to motivate their continued effort.
How Are You Helping your Adolescent Through the Middle School Dip?
Here are a few ideas to try:
- Clarify your expectations, particularly in the area of academic achievement. “Your best effort is all I expect,” is a no-win situation for your child unless he brings home all A’s. If you expect all A’s on the report card then state these expectations explicitly. If you are content with a B in math make this expectation clear. Adolescents like to focus on specific objectives. Ambiguity leads to frustration and increases the probability of quitting.
- Coach your child to create realistic goals. Overachieving adolescents tend to set lofty outcome-based goals that often go unmet and result in frustration. Coaching your child in the area of goal-setting can be challenging. Allow your child to generate goal statements that have a high probability of success. Small gains build momentum for great achievements.
- Create opportunities for meaningful participation. Goal-setting discussions like the one detailed above have value for adolescents only when they can generate the ideas.
Additional Opportunities for Meaningful Participation
- Creating an after school study schedule
- Choosing to participate in extracurricular activities
- Planning the family dinner menu
- Suggesting ideas for family vacations
- Organizing a family outing
In their rush towards independence, adolescents look for opportunities to demonstrate their knowledge and ability in meaningful ways. Looking for moments to share responsibility and decision-making power with your child takes time and effort. This is the dip challenging you to become a great parent. Remember the reward—a wonderful relationship with an incredible person—your child.
