Middle School Cliques and Bullies
6 Signs of Bullying, 3 Ways Parents Can Help
The recent Oklahoma tragedies remind us of the importance of positive adolescent, middle school relationships. Identifying and removing bullies and cliques is a start.
Unpleasant as they may be, cliques are an inevitable part of the middle school social environment. Much of the work of avoiding cliques must be done by your child as she seeks out new middle school friends.
Bullying, however, takes exclusion one step further. It isn’t something that parents should merely observe from the sidelines, since it may include serious emotional and even physical abuse. Here are six signs to watch out for when trying to determine if your child is being bullied:
Six Signs of Bullying
- Reluctance to leave home. If your normally social child chooses to stay home rather than go out with friends, it may be because of a bully. Bullying can occur at school as well as at off campus social events.
- Missing activities. Declining to attend extracurricular activities may be a sign that your child is being bullied.
- "Drive me, please!” A child who pleads with you to drive him to school rather than taking his normal bus route may be trying to avoid confrontations on the bus. With a load of twenty-plus middle schoolers, bullying can easily go unseen on bus trips.
- Unexplained cuts or bruises. If your child can’t offer a reasonable explanation for the appearance of any unusual marks on her body, it’s time to investigate.
- Increased sadness or anxiety. Adolescents tend to be moody; however, a sudden increase in crying outbursts and anxiety levels could be the result of a bully.
- Steadily decreasing academic performance. A dip from 95% on one test to 85% on the next doesn’t warrant a full-scale investigation. But repeated low scores, missed assignments, or comments from your child’s teachers about declining performance are signals that may mean there are bullying issues at play.
Even if you suspect your child is being bullied, the question of what to do about it can be a difficult one to answer – especially if your child hesitates to communicate with you. Yet there are three things you can do to unearth a problem that don’t require a flood of details directly from the child:
Three Ways to Flush Out a Bully
- Share observations. Sharing statements like, “You seem sad today” or “This seems like a rough week for you” may open the door to a conversation with your child.
- Investigate. Talk to the adults who see your child on a regular basis. Share your concerns about your child’s behavior and ask if they’ve noticed anything different about your child lately.
- Make contact. A casual argument between friends doesn’t call for a visit to the school, but when arguments turn physical or include verbally abusive statements, don’t hesitate to schedule an appointment with the school counselor. Bring the evidence you have from your observations as well as any conversations with adults who regularly interact with your child.
Cliques and bullying have become critical issues in middle schools around the country. The recent tragedies in Oklahoma have brought greater attention to the social interactions among middle school adolescents. With the dedicated effort of parents and school officials adolescents will continue to build strong peer relationships based on acknowledgment and respect.
